Overview
The Barrel Blaster 4000 isn’t just a sniper rifle. It’s a portable chain of bad decisions. Originally developed as a demolition tool by the Nothing Corporation's marketing arm (not R&D, oddly), the BB4K delivers high-velocity detonation pods with suspicious precision. It does not pass safety inspections. It does, however, pass through walls.
Features
- Blast Radius Dial™: Adjustable settings from *Disruptive* to *Diplomatic Incident*
- SmartScope: Includes predictive targeting, sarcasm filter, and self-esteem boost
- Ammo Type: Emotionally volatile compressed charges (handle with therapy)
Field History
Mr. Green reportedly acquired the weapon during a “Weapons Expo” gone sideways. He claims it was “on sale” and has since used it in over a dozen assignments—most of which technically no longer exist. According to him: “Why shoot someone *near* an explosion when you can shoot the explosion *at* someone?”
Transcript Moments
- "Most things don’t explode when you shoot them… unless you’re Mr. Green."
- "Is that thing supposed to whistle before it lands?" — Captain Tracy
- "That wasn’t part of the plan." — Cheyenne